Tuesday, October 20, 2009
"As the plane landed my grief crashed in on me like the waves in a storm.
I cried like I had every day all those many months ago. Tears that I thought were gone rushed as if to fill a vacant ocean.
The weight of what I had just done, realized in one skidding blast from the planes tires.
The final act of separation complete… the untangling of two lives that had been living as one...over."
Maybe it's better I start at the end? When you know everything will work out alright, it feels OK to step in. You can get attached to the characters, allow yourself to care. "They'll be OK in the end", you say to yourself, "I can read on."
But here's the thing....you can always step in, because it will always work out alright. It may not be how you planned, hoped, expected or thought you desired...but in the end, all will be well.
Two years ago I would have told you that was a load of *horse type excrement. But today, as I drove home from meeting with a new friend...feeling the heart bliss that only the connection to beautiful kindred soul can bring, I rounded the corner to the freeway entrance and I gasped. What I saw was a river so brilliant it hurt to look at it. I saw the fall change of leaves tickling the sky. I saw life. And it quite literally took my breath away.
I rolled down all the windows, peeled back the sun roof and cranked up the cello concerto that was playing. I wanted to feel the beat of nature and vibration of life in every part of me.
I get so goofy on joy some days that I fall in love with every lamp post. It's hard to explain...but the form, grace and pattern that the freeway street lamps create makes me giddy.
Days like today, when I want to wrap my arms around the world, remind me how far I've come. They make me want to shine the light on every individual so that they can see how gorgeous they are. So that they can see how incredible this dance of life can be.
I hope you know you that even if you are unsure of how to take your next breath, that you are loved. You are appreciated. You are needed. I hope you know that not only will it all be OK in the end, it is all OK now.
in peace, love and gratitude for all that you are.