unreasonable

There is something magical in the expansiveness of the ocean, the crispness of it's splash..the lulling rhythm of the waves. Something that some days I crave so deeply I'll do anything to get there. Yesterday was one of those days.

I grew up 'in' the ocean. My back yard included ice plant and the icy waters of the Pacific {Monterey Bay}. With water is so cold, you went numb in seconds. I learned to never let a little pain get in the way of a frolicking good time.

At 5 years old I can remember exploring the amazing tide pools at Asilomar with my mother and asking, "mama can I get in?" Mind you, it was foggy, 50 degrees and windy. I was bundled in my fuzzy red hooded coat, jeans, boots... She said, "Yes of course Hunny." With that I gleefully jumped into the waist deep water of the pool and sat down to explore from the inside out. My mother gasped! She told me later she expected me take my shoes and socks off and wade in up to my ankles. But she didn't tell me to get out, she just laughed and smiled at her crazy daughter.

I am so thankful to her for allowing me to be in the moment and not think about how cold I might be after. I've carried it with me, that rush of swirling water. I can still feel the weight of my winter coat filled with a schlog of water and the push of the tide against my jeans.

There were days too, as I grew older, that I would venture down with my best friend Sarah to see the ocean. I met Sarah playing jump rope in my unders & ice skates out in front of my house, we were 5 1/2...and besties for life. We would taunt the waves and roll up our pants to mid calf.. then to the knees.. then..oops..get a little wet...OYE..ok a LOT bit wet and then cave and splash like maniacs running fully clothed up and down the beach, soaked from head to toe. In the moment, it was glorious. The walk home in sandy wet jeans, in the fog and cold...yeah. But we lived for that moment of sheer playful joy.

Yesterday I needed one of those moments. I drove the 2 hrs to the Oregon coast to satisfy the yearning to see, smell, taste, touch, feel the sweet love of the ocean.

As was the case for most of my childhood, it was cold.. in the 50's, drizzling and windy. But there she was expansive and wild. I felt the history she carries with her...and again was rendered speechless at the abundance and infinity she holds.

I put my feet in the water and even thou they were instantly frozen, I knew I was going in. Experience has taught me much...I brought a suit with me.

It started out slow, our dance. She chased me with lashing, cascading waves and I ran against the tide pulling out, marching in place giggling with delight. But then, giddy with sea air, sand and white caps... I dove in. I romped for almost an hour before I realized my feet had turned to flippers. I couldn't move my toes, or feel them at all. I laughed and said, "five more minutes."

Wanting to be as close as possible before we parted, I laid down in the shallows where the waves become 2 inch tall rolling carpets of silk. I felt the grit of the sand in my hair, down my back, under my fingernails and I waited. The wave came and I laughed out loud. It rippled over my body and swished sand into every nook and cranny. I felt whole.

As I toweled off I thought about things in this life that I love to do but that others see as entirely crazy, unnecessary and unreasonable, I realized just how necessary they really are for me.

When I am there, in the ocean...I don't see the other people on the beach. I don't care if they wonder who the heck that crazy woman is running and giggling like a five year old. I really don't care what they think...I do it for me and no one else. It feeds my soul and you know what? Sometimes you just have to not give a rip about what anyone else thinks!

So maybe today you can let your little 5 year old girl or boy come out and play, not give a rip and do something that to anyone else might seem unreasonable but to you it is the world. GAME ON!