vanity | instagram confessions

my finger hovered over the 'share' button.  was i exposing myself as a vain and narcissistic beast?  yes.. probably...  but i needed to come clean.

and as what often happens when you share your soft underbelly of  truth.. you hold the door open for others to stand with you.
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i am ever grateful to the friends met and unmet on instagram.  it is a community like no other.  i can never repay all it has given to me.  with deep gratitude  i share with you here what fills my heart tonight.   selfishly i hope that in some small teeny tiny way.. it fills a little of yours.   that in it you recognize we all in this together....  that we are all one.    

                                        - to open your heart is to open that of another -

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from instagram... the following post:
(or just click here to read the full share.. as i am only posting the last. but it is truly the full conversation that sparks.   my love to you)

'i seek'
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• gheaven ... Warning totally narcissistic ponderings.... But i have just realize that i have waited my whole life to be 'beautiful' . I always felt less than.. and an ugly duckling. I kept thinking... Well once my hair grows, or when my skin clears, or my health returns, or get a tan.   An 'if then' scenario which never happens because there is always one more thing.   How have i missed that this.. Right now and here is it.  That beautiful is a life not an appearance.   And that if i am not happy with me as i am right this moment i never ever will be. It is even embarrassing to post because it feels ridiculously vain. But i feel like i need to come clean.
   
  
• gheaven ... i am also realizing i use The 'when i get this thing/knowledge/idea.. Then i will ___ ....' in many other areas of my life. It is pervasive.
  
  (reply)
   
   --- ..... I feel the same way. That I'm never enough. Only if I achieve one more thing. Perhaps I'll be enough then. I never have that much compassion for myself. I'm learning slowly of how to be free from that story that I told myself all my life. You are a beautiful person internally and externally. I see it and feel it in you. We both are plenty! Hugs and kisses. 😘 
  
  gheaven  Thank you. You touch my heart... I am crying. Yes we both are plenty ;) and You my friend are So worthy... So beautiful and so not in need of one more thing in order to be. learning slowly is still learning. I still have my training wheels on and i fall down... A lot. But maybe one day i will fly. Love you.. And thank you... You are such a gift.
  
  (reply) 
   
  --- .... You will fly and feel so free. I wish that for you. My sweet dear friend you are a gift as well. An incredible being that you are. Life is just series of falling down and getting back up. Everything and nothing can be our teachers. If only we open up our hearts and our minds to being right here and now. Thank you dearest for you kind words. Sending you all my love. ❤❤😘
  
  gheaven And my heart bursts... Thank you is too small.   
  
  
  
  

two orange brothers | las vegas pet photography

i met her at the ice rink... the mama to these boys. i asked her for a tissue and then we started talking.

have i mentioned lately that i love people? no? hmmm.. then i am remiss indeed,  for a large part of what fuels me in this drive to explore the world are the people i meet and the stories they have to tell.

so i asked samantha if she would be open to be a part of my project.   project? what project you might ask?  or maybe you have just skipped over this and are staring at the cute kitties, ;)  but yes there is an actual project in the works....  the official launching of which is scheduled for march 1st.  *nibbles fingers*  

coffee sips and chats were the order of our next meeting,  but as i arrived at samantha's house....  what to my wondering eyes should appear, but two orange kitties and eight tiny reindeer.   ok scratch that last part.  but the kitties were there and they were cute,  they were orange and they were brothers!  impromptu photo session? yes please!

allow me to introduce... norton + kramden.

this is norton.  aka no-no.

this is kramden, norton's brother (same litter just like my boys) --  'just drop the treat on the bed lady and no one gets hurt'

this is kramden before treats.

this is kramden after treats.

a little balcony time with some nip .. a perfect day.

mmm.. nom nom.. nom..says norton... a shrubbery.

sweet smiling kramden.. he is truly a bundle of loving.

giggle.  giggle giggle giggle.. i kinda sorta LOVE this face.  hi norton.

smile sweet budder kramden...

i think we've had this discussion before.. i require you on bended knee offering me a selection of tasties.

good night norton.

kate raphael | headshot portland

shocking... simply shocking.   i was asked last year what i love to photograph and what came out of my mouth surprised me. headshots. what? who said that?

it's not that i didn't know i loved working with clients to get them the best image possible for their business.   but i didn't realize how much i enjoyed the full process.

for me it's so much more than a headshot... as entrepreneurs your business is your passion, your love, your brand, your work, your livelihood,  your heart.  and i believe in today's market place it is about who you are, not just what you can do for your client.  your perspective clients want to know you, to feel like when they hire you they already have a sense of who they are working with.

so in turn.. i get to know you.   what turns you on,  lights your days,  makes your heart smile.  what's your 'story'?  how does working with your clients feed your soul?   what colors/styles and clothing makes you feel outstanding.   

then we create a shoot custom for you and your needs.. and at the shoot?  yeah.. i pose you a bit.. but mostly we play and laugh... a lot.   

when my friend asked me this question and i found myself launching into a 30 min passion filled answer,  she just sat back and smiled and said... oh you don't do headshots.. you do 'heartshots'.     ooops...  i guess i do.  

this is kate.  she is totally fantastic.  her work is stellar and her laugh will light up a room.   we did a full day shoot with the talented  makeup artist and good human... jessica belknap on set, coffee flowing and oh yeah.... kittens!

gotta include the outtakes.. just too fun.  love you kate!

 the lovely miss jessica belknap sitting in for light testing... 

oh and i mentioned kittens right? ugh...  too darn cute!

i tried to eat him.. it couldn't be helped.

bye!

two pennies | the very good day

if you follow me in any way.... you've seen this tale before.... but it tugged on my pant leg today and asked to be put out on the blog.  so i obliged. 

p.s. please excuse the completely incorrectly used punctuation. 

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two pennies. 

‘you are having good day aren’t you?’
-umm.. yes?
‘can I ask you a question?’
-I suppose.
‘goodness you are beautiful’
-thank you sir?
‘can I ask you?’
-what?
‘a question… ‘
-yes.
‘my friends and I need a dollar for the bus…’

ahh, I know the drill.. he wants money for alcohol.. thinking somehow money for the bus is a better story.. but no matter.

-sure.. I have some change
'..wow.. you are just so lovely.'
-thank you?

maybe sensing how un-comfy this was making me, he said...'excuse me for that… I just can’t help letting you know.'

I stared into his **deeply bloodshot eyes** human heart to human heart, and paused.
-thank you sir, that is very kind of you

I reached across and handed him the fistful of change from my wallet. he thanked me and then looked into the coins and started to sift out the pennies.

‘look at these two!’ he said between hiccups and slurs.

‘they don’t even look like they are the same thing do they?'

placing them both on the table side by side

‘does that even look like a penny?! it’s almost unrecognizable as a penny isn’t it? I mean it’s hard to believe those are even both pennies!’

he stared at me waiting for my reply, but how could I speak? all I could do was stare at the pennies on the table.  the truth of life … his and mine summed up in 2 cents.

the waitress pushed thru the door, and excused him along.

he nodded… and poked out a battered finger for me to shake.

‘thank you ma’am’
-you’re welcome sir. thank you.

and he stumbled away.

pennies, both shiny and perfect at the start….  now sit in contrast.
how many choices separate us?

thank you sir.  thank you for ‘seeing’ me.   thank you for reminding me that we are the same you and i.  separated only by circumstance and choices.  you are beautiful. 

he had sat at my table uninvited and asked me if he could ask me a question… then said.. ‘you are having a good day aren’t you?’   

yes sir,  i am...

wild horse encounter | cold creek nv

sweetly resting his head in my hands.. nibbling for treats,  i met my first wild mustang.  somehow the term 'wild' wasn't meeting my expectations.. but it was certain that no fences kept this little one bound.

our trip out to cold creek to see the wild horses was a spontaneous decision, encouraged by my step sister and her infections love of exploring nevada.    so with bags packed, water bottles filled, the lot of us piled into the truck and headed out.

camo-horse.

loner.

turned poser.

howdy y'all.

this is food?

fencing to keep the horses out... not in.

oh be still my heart... fell in love again today.

we walked a bit farther and found another furry crew snoozing by the quite frozen over pond. 

you comin' humans?  

this little love could barely hold his head from tobbling over.   sweet soft snorrie sighs filled the air.

hershey the happy snow dog.

love a lab butt.

the mama.

view from the car window.. -- instructions given.. pitch your head into the center of the car...  to avoid clumping head on side window.

aren't they just the cutest?   they gave me free reign to explore and take as much time and as many photos as i wanted.  i love my family.

hershey and scott guiding us home.

and then .. omgoodness.. stop the car!  at sunset the herds head back to the foothills.. swoon.

good night lovelies... thank you for the bliss.