vanity | instagram confessions

my finger hovered over the 'share' button.  was i exposing myself as a vain and narcissistic beast?  yes.. probably...  but i needed to come clean.

and as what often happens when you share your soft underbelly of  truth.. you hold the door open for others to stand with you.
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i am ever grateful to the friends met and unmet on instagram.  it is a community like no other.  i can never repay all it has given to me.  with deep gratitude  i share with you here what fills my heart tonight.   selfishly i hope that in some small teeny tiny way.. it fills a little of yours.   that in it you recognize we all in this together....  that we are all one.    

                                        - to open your heart is to open that of another -

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from instagram... the following post:
(or just click here to read the full share.. as i am only posting the last. but it is truly the full conversation that sparks.   my love to you)

'i seek'
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• gheaven ... Warning totally narcissistic ponderings.... But i have just realize that i have waited my whole life to be 'beautiful' . I always felt less than.. and an ugly duckling. I kept thinking... Well once my hair grows, or when my skin clears, or my health returns, or get a tan.   An 'if then' scenario which never happens because there is always one more thing.   How have i missed that this.. Right now and here is it.  That beautiful is a life not an appearance.   And that if i am not happy with me as i am right this moment i never ever will be. It is even embarrassing to post because it feels ridiculously vain. But i feel like i need to come clean.
   
  
• gheaven ... i am also realizing i use The 'when i get this thing/knowledge/idea.. Then i will ___ ....' in many other areas of my life. It is pervasive.
  
  (reply)
   
   --- ..... I feel the same way. That I'm never enough. Only if I achieve one more thing. Perhaps I'll be enough then. I never have that much compassion for myself. I'm learning slowly of how to be free from that story that I told myself all my life. You are a beautiful person internally and externally. I see it and feel it in you. We both are plenty! Hugs and kisses. 😘 
  
  gheaven  Thank you. You touch my heart... I am crying. Yes we both are plenty ;) and You my friend are So worthy... So beautiful and so not in need of one more thing in order to be. learning slowly is still learning. I still have my training wheels on and i fall down... A lot. But maybe one day i will fly. Love you.. And thank you... You are such a gift.
  
  (reply) 
   
  --- .... You will fly and feel so free. I wish that for you. My sweet dear friend you are a gift as well. An incredible being that you are. Life is just series of falling down and getting back up. Everything and nothing can be our teachers. If only we open up our hearts and our minds to being right here and now. Thank you dearest for you kind words. Sending you all my love. ❤❤😘
  
  gheaven And my heart bursts... Thank you is too small.   
  
  
  
  

wild horse encounter | cold creek nv

sweetly resting his head in my hands.. nibbling for treats,  i met my first wild mustang.  somehow the term 'wild' wasn't meeting my expectations.. but it was certain that no fences kept this little one bound.

our trip out to cold creek to see the wild horses was a spontaneous decision, encouraged by my step sister and her infections love of exploring nevada.    so with bags packed, water bottles filled, the lot of us piled into the truck and headed out.

camo-horse.

loner.

turned poser.

howdy y'all.

this is food?

fencing to keep the horses out... not in.

oh be still my heart... fell in love again today.

we walked a bit farther and found another furry crew snoozing by the quite frozen over pond. 

you comin' humans?  

this little love could barely hold his head from tobbling over.   sweet soft snorrie sighs filled the air.

hershey the happy snow dog.

love a lab butt.

the mama.

view from the car window.. -- instructions given.. pitch your head into the center of the car...  to avoid clumping head on side window.

aren't they just the cutest?   they gave me free reign to explore and take as much time and as many photos as i wanted.  i love my family.

hershey and scott guiding us home.

and then .. omgoodness.. stop the car!  at sunset the herds head back to the foothills.. swoon.

good night lovelies... thank you for the bliss.

ninja + maggie | family

back in may of this year i set out on the road.   i sold all of the things i had collected.. my furniture, all the treasures that i could part with... put the rest in storage and embarked to live the life of a nomad.

my travels thus far have been... well.. that's another story... and i do promise to tell it.   but for now, this is where it started... 

a road trip from portland, or to carmel valley, ca.   

this is day three of my journey. 

after a good 6 hrs of driving and a tour of the redwoods, i spent the evening in Berkeley with my cousin michelle, her boyfriend and their two pups.   i hadn't seen her in years, but time stands still with family you love.  and it truly felt like no time had passed at all.

i didn't grow up knowing my cousins.. in fact i only met michelle and her brother and sister when i was 24 and and freshly moved to PA from CA.  i had moved to PA to follow my dreams of being a horse woman and trainer, and found a family i didn't know i had.  and even thou i had never met them before.. her dad (the fabulous cousin rob)  mum (his wife ... the amazing ana) and ALL my relatives (hi aunt lillian!! :)  took me in as family.   it was my first experience with being fully accepted and embraced as family by relatives i barely knew... it is something i've never forgotten and has etched itself indelibly on my heart. 

michelle has since followed her heart and moved from PA to CA.   i am so proud and honored to call michelle family.. she is gorgeous and has a heart big enough to save the world. 

that night we chatted for hours...  giggled, reminisced about the past and caught up on the last 10 years.   after a sleeping for a good 9 hrs i woke to puppy kisses, blue skies and plans for a rigorous day of lounging, brunching and shopping.  phew!  before we left thou.. just one thing.... i wanted to photograph their two furr kids, ninja and maggie. 

love you cousin michelle.. you are the best! 

xoxo 

o pleeeeeze throw that ball.. pleeze pleeze pleeeze...